29 March 2007

11:08 PM - 1 comment

Brownback and Social Security

Sen. Brownback,

How are you doing? How is the family? It is common knowledge that you do not like me, so I will skip all the hallow niceties and get to the heart of the matter.

You can’t win the nomination. If you were unique enough, like Hillary or Obama people might remember you. If you were charismatic enough, like Bill, your words will inspire the masses and they will champion whatever cause you present them with. If you were dumb, like …, its better I leave out the name, we could find someone to mold you into the perfect candidate. But you are none of these things, so you will NOT win the nomination.

Now it is always possible that we discover a skeleton in Romney perfect family story, or Rudy gets bit by a tsetse fly and sleeps through the primaries or McCain decides to tie his election to the cause in Iraq and loses the support of the 70% of Americans that are against the war. It is also possible that aliens invade and we become their slaves in a machinery dictatorship, anything is possible.

That being said, just because you can’t win the nomination doesn’t mean that you have to give up. Make a name for yourself, no one knew you before this, I mean a senator from Kansas, the only thing we know about Kansas is Dorothy and her magic shoes. Take on the inconsequential issues; don’t come out hard on the big issues like social security. DON’T DO THAT, because if you do it will be hard to pick you for the VP spot. I mean how will Romney or Rudy explain that they don’t want to privatize social security but you do and you are on the ticket with them. Hmmm… not good.

Look I know you aren’t going to listen to my advice, so I’ll stop now but let me tell you something, the last person to ignore my advice was Alberto Gonzales, need I say more.



26 March 2007

4:47 PM - 3 comments

Letter to Hillary Rodham Clinton

Dear Hillary,

Let me use this opportunity to congratulate you on your endorsement by former Iowa Gov. Vilsack. I hope this gives you a much needed boost during the Iowa caucus next year. I am really curious to find out how you managed to pull this off. I am very sure you can't document it, so next time I speak to you in person I'll bring it up.

We need to talk. I really thought that you would rise above the common mistakes of the masses and give us a campaign worthy of mention, but you have fallen short of my expectations. Remember when Bill ran for office the first time, how he from a third tier state rose to prominence. It wasn't because of money, it wasn't because of promises. It was his personality.

You have the money which is a bonus but now you have started making promises. Promises that the voters will hold you to. Saying that you will take on the health care industry and provide universal health care is a mistake. Especially given the fact that your husband had a failing health care plan. Not only do you propel the voters to start comparing the two Clintons, you also open the door for them to ask you about the how.

How are you going to have a major overhaul in the health care industry?
How are you going to make sure that those below the poverty line and taken care of when it comes to health?
I can just see Obama using this against you when the debates start in a couple of months.

You and I both know that there is no way to do this without raising taxes. We also know that it will require us to get in bed with a couple of giant corporations that we would rather not speak to, much less scratch their back.

You can't take this back, Hilly, so I suggest you come up with a plausible plan before the debates start.

Take it easy and don't forget to drink alot of water



21 March 2007

1:49 PM - 2 comments

A Letter to Karl Rove

Dear Karl Rove,

It's been a while since I have spoken to you and I must admit that primarily it is my fault. There is so much going on in the world. So much news to cover. Have you heard about the latest battle with Iran. I mean one would think that their president would take the high road and act a little bit repentant but nooo he seems to have balls of steel. Regardless of what the UN throws him he always finds a way to make them look like the bad guys in front of the middle eastern countries.

This whole election thing has been on my mind lately, I have been hoping that you will support a candidate and lend your expertise to one of these floundering men but you have remained inconspciously in the background. So the question that is on my mind is why. Why do you remain silent during such a crucial time. The winner of this election will help redefine US foreign and domestic policy. The winner won't even have to really do any work because your current protege has mananged to make such a mess of things. The deficit is at a high, unemployments rates are keeping steady, the housing market pretty much sucks right now. The Dow Jones Industrial is now dependent on Chinese market. It is sad. O and let us not forget the whole world hates us, their leaders might suck up to us, hi Tony B, but the average citizen thinks we are evil.

Now I know it is not your fault. I mean there is only so much that you can do, I mean you are after all only one man. If you were a brain surgeon maybe you could replace his brain with yours but then you would be brainless. You have come a long way with him, I remember the first time he gave the state of the union address, mercy, I almost wanted to cry. I mean you gave him the words, the fact that he can't read isn't your fault. It is your problem and hopefully before the next 600 days pass you will be able to do something about that.

Enough with the trip down memory lane. The Democrats are out to get you and I would hate to think that you will take this lying down. I mean they tried with the whole Valerie Plame thing but they didn't get you. Now they are trying to use the whole Alberto Gonzales snaffu to get you.
You cannot take this lying down. I mean you are one of the greatest political minds that the Republican party has. You are a king. Gingrich is smart but recently he has managed to put a fly in his own perfume. So it is up to you to save the party, the Evangelicals can't do it alone, they have the votes but you know the system like Dick C knows a rifle.

Look I gotta rap this up and get back on the campaign trail, So here is my piece of advice and you know how stingy I am with words of wisdom, so consider a gift from a friend. Stop hiding behind the trash. Every time your name is mentioned it is tied to the Titanic, which is sinking fast. Choose a candidate without a reputation and build it up. Make it so that every time that your name is mentioned it is not in reference to the current state of affairs. Forget the past and focus on the future. The republicans have forgotten how good you are because of the current POTUS but when you choose a candidate they will realize they need you to take back Capitol Hill. The moment they do, they will start to protect you and fight your battles. Especially the current one.

I got a letter from Alberto that I need to reply so heed my advice, wise one and we will soon rejoice.



19 March 2007

2:16 PM - 2 comments

Letter to Alberto Gonzales

Dear Alberto,

Stop crying.
Stop whining.
Stop wringing your hands.
Breathe in, breathe out.

Are you calm now? Because this letter is not going to soothe your nerves. This is a letter that addresses your blunders. I told you that this will happen. I told you that trusting this guy will only lead to problems. You thought you were chosen because of your qualifications but I told you that he was only trying to appoint the first Latino Attorney General.

I mean look at Harriet Miers, where is she now?
Look at Micheal Brown from FEMA where is he now?
You were chosen to make him look good, that's it. Do you really think that he is going to help you now. Look, I know it was Karl who convinced you that this was the best course of action. He told you that firing those attorneys served the interest of the president and since you serve at the pleasure of the president you decided to fire them.

First mistake, you listened to Karl. I know Karl, we are friends, and he is one of the smartest men in the business. That being said, you have to realize that Karl is only concerned about what benefits the president. He is so loyal to the president that he sacrificed Libby just so that the president didn't look bad for the Plame leak. He wasn't thinking of your job when he told you to fire the attorneys, he was thinking of the president's legacy.

The second and most damaging mistake is that you left a paper trail. Didn't you learn anything from law school? Evidence and Resonable Doubt trump Truth and Justice any day of the week. So why in the world did you leave evidence?

I could go on and on with the bashing but I think you get the point. You screwed up BIG and now we look bad. We can't weep over spilt milk. I am thinking of how to get us out of this mess. Yes, I said us, I figure I should have been a bit more aggressive in discouraging you back then. If you want to get out of this unscathed you must follow all the steps I outline in my next letter. Up until then, keep the faith and put on a strong front.



11 March 2007

6:27 PM - 2 comments

My letter to the Former Speaker of the House

Dear Mr. Gingrich,

How was your weekend? I hope you are feeling fine, mercy, I hope you are feeling better than fine because you have just created a maelstrom that will continue to churn until the Dilemmation is over. Did you really think that telling the world that you were involved in an extra-marital affair the same time that Clinton was being impeached for the Monica Lewinsky would win you sympathy? You might have read my last post about revealing skeletons in your closet early on in the race but this is different.

I know, I know at this point you are trying to figure why I am changing my stance on skeletons. I am not. This is not a skeleton. A skeleton is dead, has no life and really makes no lasting impression on the audience. People might be a bit scared or angry when a skeleton first appears but what you have is a monster. I am really sorry, this beast is not dead, and will continue to follow you where ever you go. Sad. Sad, and I really really thought you were going to be the one to unite the party.

I really do applaud what you did in the '94 elections. You were the mastermind behind the revolution that swept the Republicans into the majority that they kept for 12 years. It was beautiful, you put the democrats in their place and brought integrity and values back to capitol hill. I wish that you return will be viewed in the same light but I can't really see how we can turn your debauchery and alleged ethic violations into something positive.

So James Dobson says we should forgive you and try and kill this monster. Not only will that make us liars it would also make un murderers. I REFUSE to kill a monster that I did not create. I also REFUSE to be haunted by a monster that I did not create. Instead of killing or dealing with this monster; I will banish the creator of the monster and being that monsters always follow their creators I will in turn get rid of the monster. And the beautiful thing about it is that I will not have to lift a finger to get rid of you.

Newt what exactly were you thinking when you decided to marry the object of your affection. You realize that this is your third marriage. One divorce is considered okay for a republican but two, I’m getting scared. I mean your cronies are so quick to put the finger at Guiliani but you are in a totally different league entirely. You have committed the Ted-Haggard crime. Not only are you a hypocrite but now you are caught with your pants down. I do have to give you props for getting ahead of the media and releasing the information yourself but this does not change the fact that you have been divorces twice and are now married to a congressional aide. I mean you could not even convince your wife of 19 years to forgive you and stay with you. Sad Newt, very sad.

I will like to take this opportunity to thank you making my weekend. I heard of your confession in church on Sabbath and it brightened my day. I hope you decide to run so I will see more of you on the campaign trail.

O piece of advice. If you decide to run, you need to tell us now and stop waiting for the polls. We are not dumb, gradually releasing information and then waiting to see how we react before you declare is low even for a wife-cheating, hypocritical, coward.

Have a nice week
I know I will

Yours realistically


06 March 2007

9:12 PM - 5 comments

Musical Advice

Presidential Obituary
The Presidential Campaign has been in full swing for a couple of months. A particular train realized early on he just could not keep up with the later model of cars and so even though we haven’t officially started the race we have to say good bye to the distinguished Ex-Governor of Iowa.
Vilsack you will be missed. sniffle sniffle

To those of you dumb enough to think you can really change a mind that has already been made up, here is some musical advice that might fuel your engine.

  • Cleaning out your closet: If you have any skeletons in your closest now would be the best time to tell the public ahem: Clinton (Gay?, Affair?, Gay Affair?), Romney (Polygamist?). Take a page from Obama's playbook and let the world know that you used to be a crack dealer but that is now all in the past. It worked well for the sitting president hopefully it will work for you.
  • No more Drama: By this I mean family drama. I really would not vote for a candidate whose kids hates him/her. (I really miss the days when u could say Him and not have to include the backslash Her. Sad now I have to type 5 extra characters :( ). So please mend the fences and increase your child's trust fund. Cough Cough Guiliani
  • The sun will come out tomorrow: NO! STOP daydreaming and operating as if we live in an ideal democracy.
    In an ideal democracy the will of the people is law but in a flawed democracy such as ours, the people with the loudest voice determine the law and the people with the loudest voice are the people with the deepest pockets. Richardson this goes out to you. Stop ,please stop believing that money isn’t everything in politics.
    In an ideal democracy the individual with the most experience is given the position of influence and power, Arabian Horses Chairmen are not put in charge FEMA and Governors from failing states are not put in charge of the country. So Dodd get over yourself and stop whining. For real, Chris you have potential for greatness, just get your head out of the clouds.

To all those you manage to stay under the radar this past week, I am not sure if I should congratulate you or caution you. So I'll just say Good Luck 'cuz what else can a person wish you.