Dear Obama I am impressed, 25 million dollars! This is almost unbelievable. If I weren’t looking at a spreadsheet of the distribution curve I wouldn’t believe what those quacks on CNN are reporting. I am writing this letter to rejoice with you, you might be becoming terrified of all the censure that is evident in my correspondence with you but I am so glad at this point that I would re-read your 2nd book again.
How are your daughters, I hope all is well with them.
Even though you are still polling behind Hillary and she raised more money in the f1st quarter you must not forget that she has remained stagnant. Her numbers have not really changed in the last couple of months. You have actually gained and stolen some of her supporters. When it comes to the financial side of things you have more donors, her donors gave more per person but you have a broader base.
I am always proud of you and look forward to your inauguration speech.
Kafo
Dear John,
How are you? How is Elizabeth doing? She is constantly in my prayers; I hope that it is not too stressful for her. She is a fighter and I admire her spirit. Susan sends her greetings, she has been raising money for the Leukemia Society for the past couple of weeks, and I rarely see her myself.
When you decided to announce your candidacy in Louisiana, I thought it was a bad idea and now I am even more convinced of my opinion. First of all, you were the senator from North Carolina; you neither grew up nor went to school in New Orleans so I couldn’t understand why you started your campaign there. You told me that you thought it would highlight the flaws of the current administration and make people wonder how things might have been different if you were president. This did not work because of the incompetent staff that you have. Leaking the information of your candidacy announcement the day before stole your thunder but you preserved.
Secondly campaigning on the poverty platform can never work for a person of your standing. I told you then and I have not changed my mind. Acting as if you understood the plight of the average Katrina victim was presumptuous and ill-advised. Now we have news that you spend $225 for a hair cut. JOHN WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
We have similar tastes, you and I, during our law school days at Chapel Hill, we ate at the same burger joint, washed our clothes at Larry’s Laundry, but $225 on a hair cut is preposterous. Now you will have people thinking that you are more concerned with your looks than your message. When Clinton ran for presidency we never asked how much he spent on shoe-shining or on whitening his teeth but you allowed this to happen.
Yes you did, you opened the door for the jackals to pounce on you by trying to act like you were no different from the average American. It is one thing to pay for it from your private account but to have the campaign fund your beauty pageant is ridiculous. I am not giving you advice on how to get out of this, you dug this hole, so find a way to climb out of it yourself. I pray for Elizabeth's sake that you can do so gracefully.
We are still playing golf next Sunday, right?
Honestly
Kafo
Dear Candidates,
It has been a while since I have addressed all of you. Most of the time I just correspond with those who seek my expert advice or those whom I have a personal relationship with. Should I say that it is sad, that we have lost a couple of viable candidates early on? The truth of the matter is that they will not be missed. I mean what exactly did Vilsack think he had to offer that was unique?
I have just found out from a reliable source that you are considering lowering the moral standard that the American public currently holds you to. I say the American public, because the world at large is not fooled by your empty promises, petty squabbles, and trivial aspirations. Far from it, they crave action and not rhetoric, they crave action because they need it to survive. We, in Washington, know that regardless of the nitwit that is power the average American will still have 3 square meals a day. We have that luxury, the rest of the world doesn’t.
Anyways, it has come to my attention that most of you are thinking about airing political ads during the Super Bowl. I am not surprised that campaign strategist like McKinnon are spouting this nonsense. Why in the world would any of you listen to such counsel. I know that y’all are paranoid about the major primaries being moved up earlier in the year, but do not act out of fear.
I am not going to launch into a lecture about why it is a bad idea. Instead I will end this letter with a couple of questions. Do you really want to compete with Budweiser for ad time. Do you really want your name to be mentioned in the same sentence as Prince or Janet Jackson? Do you really want the FCC to screen each word and then fine you when the network makes a mistake? Do you really want to waste valuable funds on an audience which has overindulged in chips and imbibed too much alcohol? Do you really want to turn this race into one about funds? Do you really want to waste your time trying to come up with 30 second clips that define you? Do you really want to reduce your entire message to a gimmick?
I know the way that most of you will act, but still I hope that you prove me wrong.
Have a nice weekend
Realistically
Kafo
Dear Mitt
NO NO NO
You can’t do this.
Some say that you are the hope of the republican party. To some extent, it is true that you are the one who most shares our values but I do not like you. You are our only hope, of overturning Roe v. Wade, all we need is one more judge to die and you will be able to appoint a pro-life judge who will assist John and Scalia in changing that horrendous law. It is sad because your latest blunder shows us that the best we have to offer isn’t weapons grade.
I know that the NRA is a plays an important role. I mean some stats says that 80 million American own rifles but did you really have to go out on NATIONAL TV and embellish your hunting record. You have a lot going for you right now, people look up to you because of your conservative beliefs. You raised the most money last quarter among our candidates and now you do this. How could you lie, did you really think that a small lie wouldn’t be found. I am very very disappointed in you. How can you talk about gay rights and abortion when you are also breaking one of the ten commandments.
I really don’t have time to explain to you what happens to people that embellish their record. Alberto needs me to help him prepare for his hearings on the Hill, so good luck.
Realistically
Kafo
Dear Rudy,
I need to apologize for my silence. I have been preoccupied with some personal issues that have prevented me from contacting you. You requested, a while back, that you wanted me to advise you on how to handle the conservative base especially in the south when it comes to abortion. You don’t need my help, Rudy. I just watched your interview with CNN’s Dana Bash and I couldn’t have coached you any better.
Highlighting your personal views and then immediately stating what the constitution, at this point in time, has to say about abortion was flawless. I gave John McCain similar advice four years ago and he blew it. You were able to sound sincere and convincing. It would be a mistake to have changed your stance on abortion. I know the YouTube video has been causing a lot of heat, especially with the Evangelical crowd, but you cannot begin to water down your stance.
I must ask you to proceed with caution when it comes to using words like ‘legal’ and ‘illegal.’ You said in your interview that you are concerned not with personal opinions but what is legal and illegal and that it is your job to uphold the constitution of the United States. Have you thought for one second that this could loose you the Hispanic vote that our party craves like water in a desert. If you say that you want to uphold the law as it is then you will not support the president, McCain or Kennedy with their immigration reform bill. This might lose you New York if it ends up being you versus Hillary.
Think about this.
Before I forget, the way you avoided criticizing Gen. Pace was laudable, keep this up and we WILL be win the nomination.
Yours realistically,
Kafo
Tommy T,
Please tell me that this is not your idea of an April’s fool joke. How’s Sue? I hope that all is well with the kids. Is Jason finally settled?
I’m happy you decided to run. Finally someone who actually has some sort of experience, I mean all these new kids have the name recognition and the money but when it comes to service they are as fresh as tomorrow’s snow. I mean look at the last two presidents, each of them were wet behind the ears and have managed to destroy the legacy of Jefferson and Washington. Why do these idealistic types think that having a dream is all it takes? What happened to winning because of your outstanding record and service? Everyone is running after Romney, Obama and Hillary, novices.
What took you so long? Your experience in the health and human services is desperately needed. I was there when you decide to retire at the end of the first term of Junior Bush’s presidency. I was of the mindset that you were setting the ground works for a major campaign. I mean last Christmas we talked about it and I really thought you were going to start the New Year with an announcement but you waited. I hope that your cautious attitude does not cost you the nomination. What is the plan? You are currently polling in the single digits in Iowa and I am just wondering how you plan to get ahead of Guiliani, Romney and McCain.
If you need anything, I am here, we have weathered so many battles back in the day and I will always be here to lend a helping hand. I might even donate a kidney if you need one.
Susan is calling me, I have to go.
Nostalgically yours
Kafo
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