15 April 2007

2:25 AM - No comments


Dear Candidates,

It has been a while since I have addressed all of you. Most of the time I just correspond with those who seek my expert advice or those whom I have a personal relationship with. Should I say that it is sad, that we have lost a couple of viable candidates early on? The truth of the matter is that they will not be missed. I mean what exactly did Vilsack think he had to offer that was unique?

I have just found out from a reliable source that you are considering lowering the moral standard that the American public currently holds you to. I say the American public, because the world at large is not fooled by your empty promises, petty squabbles, and trivial aspirations. Far from it, they crave action and not rhetoric, they crave action because they need it to survive. We, in Washington, know that regardless of the nitwit that is power the average American will still have 3 square meals a day. We have that luxury, the rest of the world doesn’t.

Anyways, it has come to my attention that most of you are thinking about airing political ads during the Super Bowl. I am not surprised that campaign strategist like McKinnon are spouting this nonsense. Why in the world would any of you listen to such counsel. I know that y’all are paranoid about the major primaries being moved up earlier in the year, but do not act out of fear.

I am not going to launch into a lecture about why it is a bad idea. Instead I will end this letter with a couple of questions. Do you really want to compete with Budweiser for ad time. Do you really want your name to be mentioned in the same sentence as Prince or Janet Jackson? Do you really want the FCC to screen each word and then fine you when the network makes a mistake? Do you really want to waste valuable funds on an audience which has overindulged in chips and imbibed too much alcohol? Do you really want to turn this race into one about funds? Do you really want to waste your time trying to come up with 30 second clips that define you? Do you really want to reduce your entire message to a gimmick?

I know the way that most of you will act, but still I hope that you prove me wrong.

Have a nice weekend